Deja deja deja vu

Ok I originally wrote this for 24 hours ago, but wasn’t feeling well, so I just saved it.

Last night we got our first snow of the season.

I don’t know why I find it exciting, but I do.  The temperature this morning is still cold.  I wished I could get out and take some pictures.  Unfortunately, my white cells have tanked, so I think rather than flirting with getting sick, I should stay indoors.  Hopefully it will not mess our weekend plans up.


So….. Here I am.  At the end of the first week for my second chemo session.  Is session the right word?  Wednesday I got extremely yuk feeling.  I wasn’t sick or nauseous.  Just really tired.  Oh!  I had the weirdest headache.  Have you ever had a headache that felt like it was inside your head?  I know that probably sounds dumb.  But I felt like it was in the middle if my skull. I also have been fighting mouth sores.  I have been using the Muguard.

The problem with this chemo is it is saturated in your bodily fluids.  I’ve been having temperature issues.  One minute I’m extremely hot, the next extremely cold.  When I hot flash, I start sweating.  Well that chemo is in my sweat.  I unfortunately got to sweating off and on the otehr night.  I had worn a sports bra to bed and when I took it off, I have sores under my boobs.  looks like my skin is peeling away :(.  Hence, why I also am getting mouth sores.  It is in your saliva.  I try my best to keep my mouth washed out and constantly drink water….


I’ve been trying to think of a way to snap Dan and I out of feeling like we are in survival mode.  There is a lot of little things that are starting to weigh both of us down.  Some days it feels like we are drowning.  Other days you can hold your head above the water long enough to just survive.  I don’t want to live like this.  In fact, this is not living.  I feel powerless to change anything.

I know I have complete control over my attitude and that influences those around me.  I have worked on my positive outlook.  Trying to get everyone to look at each day in a positive light.  Even that is a chore.  Especially when you know you are about to spend two weeks feeling like ick, then spend three more making up for feeling like ick.

In just a few months this will be over with and we can move on…… that is what i keep reminding myself.


In the meantime…. have you ever felt snow on a bald head?…  lol.