I’m sitting here admiring my new starbucks coffee mug. Gramma Davis has been so sweet to me! She sends me cards and little books. Sometimes she sends a starbucks gift card. I decided i was going to buy me a new mug.
Friday something was said to me that I just hadn’t realized. I was telling my physical therapist that I pulled the cancer card on my husband. Both our games are on this morning and I wanted to watch my game on the big tv. When Dan came to pick me up, she was giving him crap about not letting me have the big tv. He said, “She can’t pull the cancer card because she doesn’t have cancer.” Another physical therapist walked by and said, “Good for you. You’re in remission. That’s great.”
Remission. A noun. Means: A diminution of the seriousness or intensity of disease or pain; a temporary recovery.
I hadn’t thought about it, but Yes. I’m in remission. I’m doing chemo to make sure that there are no micro cells left in my body. In some ways it is a sigh of relief. However, there is always a chance that this could come back.
Which leads me into my next thought. Lately, I’ve been on facebook. More than I usually am. I do read everyone’s updates. I don’t always reply, but I read them. It seems like when you have cancer something changes the people around you. Like for example, complete strangers. I don’t wear a wig. I just tie a hanky on my head. I don’t care that I have a cue ball for a head. I’m just not motivated to get a wig. It’s a visual clue to people I have cancer. People magically turn into nice people. Maybe they are nice to begin with. People open the door for you. They smile at you. They are just nicer than if I was an everyday person they run into.
People also assume that when you have cancer that your problem is bigger than everyone else’s problems.
Which is not true. Cancer is cancer. Just another thorn in this family’s side to greatness.
I think about the people close to me. One family struggled for years to have a baby. They were blessed with this beautiful little girl. Now they are looking at being separated by a deployment. Guts my to think about daddy being gone from his little girl. Another family is struggling with the emotional side effects of PTSD. My heart breaks for a woman who loves her husband more than anything in this world…wants him to get better…would do anything to help him get better. Another friend of mine is dealing with chronic pain. She has been to doctors over and over, yet none of them can really tell her where or why she has this pain. My family back home are struggling with moving and money issues.
To me, that all sounds more intense and worse off than what I’m dealing with. I struggle with having given up my job. Money is a bit tight…. but really, this cancer thing… is nothing.
I miss my friends who are far away. I wished i was there to visit and comfort them in some way. i wished i was a better at encouraging them. Sometimes I get so stuck in my own rut that I forget to stop and look around me.