Hard to believe that a year ago today was the big surgery! A year later and we’re getting Amanda ready for High School, another year of junior high for Andrew, and Amber’s last year of Elementary (unless that changes in Japan). If you would have asked if I thought things would be so good, I’d have probably laughed. I remember the drive to Denver early in the morning. Most of it was spent praying and trying to find that zen spot in my mind. I was so excited that the cancer was finally going to be cut out of my body, but scared about how the physical rehabilitation was going to be. A year later and things are pretty much “normal.” I get stronger everyday. The only thing that has changed is my daring side. I tend to really think about things before doing them….like jumping off a bridge.
I’m starting to feel like I’m back to normal. Well my usual normal as I know it. It’s funny. I can always measure my emotional state on how well my house operates. My house is finally staying clean. I guess a secret to me: when the house gets out of line…there’s something not right. I like a really clean house. I know that is something from my mom. Her house was always clean. Either we helped or she just did it all. I like for my family to come home for the day and not be surrounded by clutter and dirtiness. I feel like those two things breed negative energy. I know they do to me. I feel like I don’t have many options to show my family I care. At the moment I’m unemployed so I can’t take them out for a special day….or buy them something they need. I can’t give extra towards a family night. I can how ever try and provide a clean environment and a good cooked meal.
We are still waiting for the code to drop off of Dan so he can be officially put on orders. I think it’s driving him crazy….and me. We have a pretty good idea on where we are going based on the only person in his field that is leaving. I’m trying to create some sort of binder in my head of information. There are a couple of really good website out there with lots of information. I have a messenger camera bag I can carry with me on the plane. It has plenty of room to carry my camera and equipment along with room to carry a binder of important documents. I’m also trying to come up with some sort of a check list for when the time comes to do the actual move.
I’m excited about the move. It gets me going through things and deciding if I want it or not. A few days ago my two pack rats actually went through their stuff to decide what they did and did not want. The clothes we donated to the Goodwill. Actually they are sitting in the back of my blazer. I’m trying to find out if Dan is serious about a yard sale or not. If he is, then there are things here I think I could sell. If not, it’s going to the Goodwill. I think I should start researching and learning things about the country. Maybe some sort of guide about the culture. The last thing you want to do is go to a country and start out by insulting the people.
A quote has been with me this week:
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”
I’ve been really distracted by discouragement. One aspect I won’t discuss, but the other is towards my photography. I’d imagine a good part of it is just lack of attempts…but to be honest I can take technically sound pictures, but they are just pictures. There is no WOW factor to them. I think either my eyes are messed up or the lenses I was using are messed up. Just about all of my astros were blurry and the rest…just pictures. I guess maybe I rushed myself through a lot of them. My main focus was spending time with my best friend. Looking back, I’m glad because I probably won’t see her in person for a few years. But still, just flat disappointed. I’m not sure that finishing school would help, but I know having a mentor for sound advice sure would help. Maybe I will meet someone in Japan who can offer that. I’m not going to let this get me down. It’s great encouragement to keep trying. I think what I need to do is look at them again and write down what I dislike about them. Figure out perhaps what would have been a better way to take them. Again, it would probably has a lot to do with practice.