Dirty Toes

I’m a dirt person. I trust the dirt. I don’t trust diamonds and gold.
Eartha Kitt

So where does this post begin?

July 3rd a good place to start?

Not really.

I can say that we had a great family reunion. It was awesome to see Dan’s family and we had a really good visit.  I had fun playing in the pool with the kids and catching up with everyone.  Sometimes it still feels awkward to all be together.  I did try my best to chat with my sister-in-laws.  I know we’re not around much, and when we were…I never really took the time to sit and chat.

The crazy part were the little ones.  Sitting there watching moms and dads chase little ones around and remembering how complicated life seemed.  There were so many extras you had to haul with you.  I did feel bad at one point.  One of the little ones gets night terrors when she consumes too much sugar.  Well I had given her a little extra cotton candy.  For the most part, I think it was a good gathering.  It would be awesome if we could do that once a year.  Maybe not around the 4th of July. Everything was so expensive.. but at some point in the year.

Dan, Bear, and Bub went back to Wyoming the following Sunday.  Little Bee went to his parent’s house and I came back to my mom and dad’s house. This is where my story really starts.  I came here for one reason and one reason only…to battle myself and find some sort of deep courage and strength.

I came here to quit smoking. Crazy to think I needed to leave my “world” to do it…but in a way I needed that desert island to make it happen.  I needed to get away from the temptations and just focus on myself.  I knew there were 1 million and 1 things that needed to be done around here. I could keep busy….get away from the temptation to buy more… It’s been a rough week.  I didn’t just quit cold turkey.  I started limiting myself the amount I smoked.  Today will be the first day to go without.  Well I had my two and then tomorrow there will be no more.

When I first start I actually would panic about not having any.  I have learned that once that starts happening I just stop…take my shoes off and let my bare feet touch the ground so I can absorb the earth’s energy and pray for strength and courage.  Eventually it all passes and I return to work. Needless to say…my toes have been dirty a lot lately!

There’s a saying that keeps going through my mind:

It will take you just as long to swim back from that island as it took you to get there.”

Not sure where I heard it, but I know there is truth in those words.  All I can do is stay positive and busy…and try not to eat myself out of house and home 😉 Trying to snack on healthy things like fruit, salads, veggies, and drinking water by the gallons.

It’s defiantly an adventure that isn’t going to end anytime soon!

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