Flight – Changing Experience

This last weekend was a really good weekend! Friday night Andrew stayed with a friend so the Dan, the girls, and I decided on pizza and movies. I picked Seven Psychos, Flight, and the new Ice Age. Ok Seven Psychos was dumb. Get the idea, but it was dumb. Flight… At first I really didn’t like the movie. I have always liked Denzel Washington as an actor and the movies he has been in. I just didn’t like this movie. It wasn’t until Sunday Morning I realized why.     Sunday Morning I woke up at just before 6:00 in the morning. I got up and downed three glasses of tea. Felt like I was going to throw up so I crawled back into bed and watched the sun rise. I laid there thinking about what an idiot. Really, Kimberly? For the past year I have been doing this ritual. It started back when I was on my third round of Adria and Cisplatin. When I’d start to feel better I knew I could look forward to Friday nights. I’d have a few drinks, spend time chatting with Dan or playing video games. I like to drink Jaguar Bombers then sip a few beers. J bombs have energy drinks in them. This of course would get me to feeling energetic and just damn good for a few hours. If I was being really honest, I’d tell you that I refused to take pain medication because I didn’t want to mix alcohol and pills. So this ritual was awesome to me. It gave me something to always look forward to. A sad pathetic reward to getting through the week.

    About a month ago I think it changed from a ritual to a habit. Something else changed… I started getting hang-overs. I never had them before. I know part of it has to deal with my age. You can’t drink like you are 20 in your 30s. I also realized that it was sort of an anxiety if we didn’t have our usual Friday nights. I’d get half upset. This past Saturday Dan and I talked and decided that the direction with drinking is going to down a road we have traveled many times. That road never leads to anything good. I am the kind of person that has to set a limit or goal in mind to stick with something. So we decided no more drinking till June 22nd. Why that particular date? It’s the first day of summer. Gives me time to try and start a new routine and focus on more important things. I know how and why I got caught into this trap. It’s easy when you can enable someone else into doing something they can’t say no to. I know it’ll be hard when he drops hints to say no, but no it will be. Not to mention how expensive it is. We easily drop 40.00 a night on alcohol. That times 4 nights (sometimes more) a month… 120.00 that I can save up and put into my garden. So far we’ve given up sodas (which amounts to 60.00 a month) and now drinking. As hard as it is, that’s almost 200.00 back into our budget to go do things.

    Speaking of things, thanks to our Saturday night I never was able to get the back yard weeds cut down. It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day outside. I suppose I could try and use the week whacker myself, but I’d rather Dan does it. I bet I could at least get out there and get all the garbage picked up. Get the lower areas raked. But first, I need to get the bathroom cleaned. It is screaming to be cleaned. A few loads of laundry to get done, also. I wished it would stay in the 70s so I could at least hang clothes out on the line. I was really hoping the weekend would be nice and warm so we could hang clothes out. I decided that today I’d start getting up earlier. I’m not used to having to get up before 8:00 in the morning. When you are on chemo, you have no set bed time. Well since I’m a three weeks from no longer having anymore, it’s time I started getting back into the habit of getting up and getting kiddos off to school. Come May, Dan will be working his new job (if not sooner) and I need to be up early to get everyone going. I will also need to be up early to care for the garden. I have always liked getting up about 30-45 minutes before everyone else. Nice hot cup of coffee, meditating and praying, and spending quiet moments deciding what I will do with my day. If the weather stays warm, I am going to start walking down to Amber’s school to pick her up. I can take Sav with me, I know he loves to go for walks.

And Spring arose on the garden fair,
Like the Spirit of Love felt everywhere;
And each flower and herb on Earth’s dark breast
rose from the dreams of its wintry rest.

~Percy Bysshe Shelley

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