The New Year

How was everyone’s Christmas?


I hope everyone had a wonderful day!


We did.  It’s been four years since we had Christmas in our own home.  Everything we wanted to enjoy we got to enjoy.  I should have taken pictures, but I really just didn’t have the umph to do so.  Isn’t that sad?


I’ve been thinking about the new year.  It is only a few days away.  2013.  When I was working my password for the computers and registers was newyear2012.  I had picked that because I was so hopeful and optimistic about the new year.  I had just felt like this last year was going to be a new chapter and we were going to move forward in life, rather than backwards.

Now I find myself sitting here wondering if we moved at all.  As a family we’ve grown closer.  I’m proud of how each person has been able to deal with me having cancer…all the treatments….all the appointments…all the times I couldn’t physically be there for concerts, track meats, games…. Everyone had to deal with it.  You couldn’t hide it from anyone.  We kept the lines of communication open and anytime anyone was having a bad day we all worked together to try and lift that person’s spirits.  We accepted that it is ok to have pity party days.  After all, we didn’t ask for this and it’s ok to just feel like you have had enough.

I guess i was hoping to move forward in other areas of life.  It’s ok that those expectations did not get met.  After all expectations are just ideas of where you hope to find yourself or others.


So new years resolutions…nope don’t have one.  I just want to make it past the next 12 weeks and five days.  That is how long I have until I’m completely done with treatments.  Then I can refocus and get a better idea of where I need to be and go in life.  I feel like I just need to focus on me a little longer and try to keep doing the best I can and keep accepting where I’m short.

I have an amazing family who steps up daily and really…. cancer is making us be better people.


Invasion of Bugs and Cheer

I can’t believe that it was 70 degrees yesterday!!  I am grateful that it was nice and warm to hang Christmas lights outside…but in a way depressed.  Where is winter at?  We still have a few more lights to put up.  I will post some pictures when we’re done.  I just hope that winter comes soon.  We are still in a very high danger for wild fires.  We need some moisture!

We put our little ghetto tree up.  I sit here and laugh to myself.  We’ve had the tree since we lived in Kansas.  I remember how “expensive” it was for us but we got it anyways.  Since then we’ve lost the stand and had to get a new one for it.  It leans a bit, but its still a good little tree.  We put the tree in the basement.  There is no room for it up stairs.  This year we have a fire place to hang out stockings on.  I put up some garland wrapped in gold with white lights on top of the mantle.  It looks pretty.

Now to finish the rest of the decorating.  I was a bit sad that a good majority of our stuff has been broken.  Probably from our last move.  My Nativity scene is in pieces.  It is always the first decoration to go up.  I’m going to have to get some super glue and glue the cow, angel, and shepherds back together.

Yesterday while we were getting ready to do the tree I realized that this is the first time in four years Dan and I have gotten to do Christmas decorating together.  It was fun helping him put the lights up outside.  We both enjoyed watching the kids put the ornaments up on the tree.  These are the moments I look forward to.  The moments and memories that are created….not the packages under the tree.

Speaking of packages….  We got Amanda’s gift.  She already knows what it is.  She picked it out.  We got her purple sax on Thursday.  She isn’t allowed to see it.  Dan and I opened it….sweeeeeet is all I can say!  I need to get it wrapped up, except I have no wrapping paper.  I’m also working on a three ring binder for her.  It has sax chords, finger positions, and any free sheet music I can find.  It’ll have three sections:  sax, clarinet, and bass clarinet.  I was to put a padded cover on the front with music charms and pretties.


So week one of chemo is done.  We won’t even go into that tail spin.  Hopefully they have what they need on monday.  This really was not a good week.  The bugs invaded the house.  Bear and I got some sort of upper respiratory crap.  Thursday i just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.  I missed Andrew’s concert 😦  Then my Bee got some sort of stomach crap.  Friday night through yesterday she was throwing up.  Poor little bee would sip water and get the dry heaves.  Being a healthy kid that she is…she woke up this morning starving and “…feeling like she was never sick.”  Thankfully that is gone.  No one else is showing signs.

Tomorrow is week two of three for chemo.  Almost half way through this crap.