Broken Lights ~ Extra Time ~ FALALALALa lala lala la

How was everyone’s Thanksgiving Day?

 

Ours was awesome!  We spent the day with Dan’s family.  The food was ok.  I won’t lie.  When you’ve eaten my mom’s food, nothing can really compare!  She is a heck of a good cook.  That and something in Dan’s mom’s cooking made both Dan and Andrew…lets just say their bellies were not right afterwards.  It was great to have the whole family home.  My most favorite member, Little Payton, was a kick in the pants!  She reminds me so much of Amanda at two.  I think she enjoyed having my kids around to play with.  The most comical part of the day was trying to watch my football game.  Woot the Texans are 10-1!!  I only got to actually watch about 10 minutes of the game.  The rest of it was sitting back and laughing to myself.  The house was a mad house.  Babies every where and so much noise.  It really was comical. The only part I didn’t like was having to have family pictures.  I guess I’m a bit conscious about being bald.  I was wearing a hanky, but didn’t want my picture taken.

The next day we spent the day at my Dad’s ranch and had another dinner with them.  It was a nice break from the chaos of the day before.  Peace and quiet.  Quiet so loud it was deafening.  Before we could get out to the ranch we had to help my dad load the ’69 onto a car trailer.  I learned I still have moves.  I got to Dukes of Hazard it into the car…lol.  Ok.  It wasn’t as graceful and pretty, but it was funny.  Loading it went great.  Unloading it….  I’ll save my reputation and say opps.  I maintain i was going to hit that tree stump.  We got it worked out and parked in a good place…  lol My favorite part of Thanksgiving with my family is picking names.  The adults all throw their names into a hat and we each pick one.  I have one gift I’m working on and the other person…. hmmmm….  Going to take some thought.

We had a great visit.  We really needed to get away from this place and get a fresh breath of air.

So on the way home we discovered my brake lights are completely out!!!  Just what we needed this time of year! Checked fuses and bulbs.  All are working properly or not burned out.  So I started doing some online research.  Seems this issue is common and was on a recall.  Now I just need to get it into the shop and not pay through the nose to have it hooked up to a computer to tell them what we already know.  I was hoping to do it today, but chemo got messed up yesterday.

I went in yesterday to have my MX chemo treatment and they are out of bio carb.  You’ll remember that the bio carb is used to make sure my kidneys and bladder do not start bleeding from the toxicity of this chemo.  Well they are out of it and are not sure when their shipment will arrive.  So they decided to check the PH in my pee.  They were thinking I could “survive” long enough to do a treatment and get home and immediately start taking the bio carb by pill form at a higher dose.  I guess my PH was not at the right place so we nixed the whole deal.  In stead they had me start taking the bio carb at home and we will try again today.  It was sort of nice to get to take the bio carb at 11:00 in the afternoon.  I have to take it 12 times after treatment and every six hours.  SO I will take it at 11:00 and 5:00 (am, pm).  Means I won’t be taking it at 3:00 in the morning.

Now that the week is on a back pedal, I am hoping the warmer weather holds out for one more weekend.  We have a bucket, literally, of Christmas lights to put up.  Dan’s mom and dad gave us a huge tub of lights.  I bought a bunch more at Manards. AND we had some from our stash.  I couldn’t believe how many of our lights actually worked!!  I think we have a game plan for decorating.  I can’t wait.  We also talked about getting a real tree!  They have some nice ones at Walmart.  I’d love to go cut our own, but this will work for this year.  We did do our stockings on Sunday.  Normally we do them on Thanksgiving.  This year we decided to wait until we got home.

I’ve got some neat pictures I had planned to post today, but will have to wait until tomorrow.

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Tick Tock….Tick Tock

I hate it when you have things to do, but you are stuck waiting on other things to finish so you can get everything else done.

The kids and I will be leaving tomorrow to go home for Thanksgiving.  Not to worry.  Dan will be going also.  He just can’t leave until Wednesday next week.  The kids are out of school all of next week…so we’re going to go early.  I miss my family and want to spend some time with them.  After Thanksgiving it will be a while before we are all together.  Once that white stuff really starts coming down…we won’t be traveling.  So far the weather looks like it should be fairly nice the entire visit.

Before I get into tooo much rambling, I wanted to share a picture:

You know I’ve been worried about how exactly we are going to pull off gift giving this year and this made me stop in my tracks.  You know, sometimes we get so caught up in our own little bubbles we forget other bubbles around us!  I’m going to participate in this!  I’ll give up a few cups of starbucks and heathbars to pick up a box of ornaments for those who have none.

So back to the day.  I’m trying to be patient with my laundry.  As it comes out I’m picking mine and Bee’s clothes to pack.  I know Bear’s basket is full and I’m afraid to look in Bub’s room.  I’ll get those done.  At some point this afternoon I want to get outside and clean the blazer out.

While going through…OK I’m stalking my email.  I blasted a bunch of lawyers in Denver about my experience as PSLMC.  I’m tired of calling and being told to send what i have to them.  I got a lawyer I’ve been exchanging emails with.  I’m waiting to see if he will take the case.  So every time my phone dings with a new email I jump out of my skin.  Any ways, While going through my email I found a suggested link to a blog.  Linda Renee Studio.  She’s a scrapkit (digital) designer and has tons of awesome freebies!!  She’s also a funny blogger.  I’ve been on her site all morning downloading her awesome creations!  I’m going to have fun putting scrap pages together.

Lets see here.  I’m finally updating my iphone.  I’ve just neglected to do it.  I finally did it when i plugged it into the computer to update the music on my phone.  Since we are going on a road trip i need to make a few new play lists.  I know Bear will have her ipod and I’m sure she will take over the music once we get going.

Hmmm….  I’m just excited to get away for a bit.  I’m excited to help mom and dad move into their new house.  I know I won’t be much help, but I can cheer everyone on…besides that is why I’m bringing three extra sets of hands.  I know I have to stop by my old job and say hi to my boss.  I might even squeeze in a polar bear coffee if I remember.  I think going to Dan’s mom and dad’s house is going to be crazy.  I know It’ll be great to see the twins and Payton.  There will be a total of 18 people.  Thankfully mom and dad have a bigger house now.  I told Dan to bring a football or something.  That many people in a house makes me get a little claustrophobic.  We can always go to the school if the weather is warm and let the kiddos play.  It’ll be weird to not fix turkey dinner for a second year in a row.  I wonder if this year we will put lights up for Dan’s mom again?

Any who…..  time to get going.  The drier just buzzed!

Jumped the Gun….Bummer Bob

Boy I jumped the gun on thinking that my treatment cycle was over and I had hit no major kinks….

At the end of every cycle I get a shot called neulasta.  According to PubMed Heath: “Pegfilgrastim is used to reduce the chance of infection in people who have certain types of cancer and are receiving chemotherapy medications that may decrease the number of neutrophils (a type of blood cell needed to fight infection). Pegfilgrastim is in a class of medications called colony stimulating factors. It works by helping the body make more neutrophils.” (here)

I had strongly thought this was the culprit to many of the side effects I was feeling.  Turns out… I am right.  It started late Thursday night.  Back pain, spasms, nerve pain, bone pain… don’t know what it is.  It feels like someone is stabbing me through my lower spine for a few seconds.  Goes away for about 5 seconds and comes back.  This pain is what put me in the ER.  After the IX chemo I had this and thought my kidneys were dying.  Thankfully I had some dalauded and oxi.  Dalaudid is like the break through and I have to maintain a steady dose of zofram (to keep from throwing up) and oxi.  I didn’t sleep all of Thursday night.  Had a small nap Thursday and didn’t get any sleep until about 3:00 this morning.  It’s finally going away.  Every now and then I have a jolt.

 

Now, I’m left feeling like yuk.  Now my hips, chest and shoulder hurt.  Not to mention I have a sore throat.  Not sure if I have sores in my throat or its just a sore throat.  My lips are dry.  Cracks and bleeding.  I have areas of a weird rash that itches like crazy.  My hands feel completely numb and my feet feel like the don’t have any strength in them to walk.

 

My resolve…. I’m not getting that shot any more.  I understand it’s purpose and use… but the side effects aren’t worth it.  I could understand the chemo doing this….but that shot is worse than having the flu.

 

So, minus feeling like a bag of crap…..

 

Amanda and I have found a really good banana bread recipe.  It was really easy for her to make.  The first loaf we made got devoured by the dog.  Yes, you read that right.  We won’t talk about how we all feel about it.  The second loaf came out really yummy.  I love it when banana bread comes out of the oven… you let it sit for a few minutes…. then cut a piece off and smoother it with butter.  Not plastic cow (margarine) but real butter.  We also made corn bread to go with our 15 bean soup.  The cornbread was ok.  Need to be a bit sweeter and needed honey to go with it.  Everyone enjoyed the bead soup.  It was just a mix of dried beans (I soaked over night), spicy sausage, peppers, and onion with a bit of celery and spices.

 

I’ve been looking and creating a list of Christmas Goodies to make this year.  Trying to hit each note my family likes: peanuts, peanut butter, chocolate, pretzels, and white chocolate.  Trying to find new treats we’ve never had before.  I’m also looking for some new count down ideas.

 

I’m looking forward to going to visit family for Thanksgiving.  I think it’s going to be a special holiday this year.

 

Name Change….

So over the last 24 hours I made some thought changes in my life….

I decided to change my blog name.  I’m no longer fighting cancer… I’m in remission.

I decided that I’m going to exercise my rights as an American to express how I feel.

Quite frankly, there’s a line to a Matchbox 20 song that goes: This old world well Don’t it make you wanna think damn.

 

This country I live in…  Damn.

 

I’ve been up for more than 24 hours wondering if all the heart aches in my life had lead me to this very point… this point of understanding that the American Dream no longer exists.  I had a dream of being a small business owner.  Owning and operating my own photography studio.  Now, what’s the point.  The current administration is going to do away with small business.

 

I’ve decided unless the door is opened I”m going to focus on my family becoming sustainable.  Meaning the less we need from the government, the better.  We are not in that group who thinks we need all these handouts and freebies.  That’s not how I was raised and it’s a shame that there are so many out there who feel that they can sit at home and collect off the government from the hardworking middle class.  Well screw you people.  You are going to be nothing but slaves to the government.  You have opted to destroy the very premise of what being an American is.  It’s freedom from tyranny and rule.

 

I just can’t wait to see what happen over the next four years.  I hope this country falls into a civil war and we fall as a mighty nation.  We become the very bottom feeders as our enemy is.  I know we will be ready.  Unlike these free loaders I know how to live a life that doesn’t require a shopping mall or government aid.  I can’t wait to see what happens when these people can not fend for themselves and the government tells them to go get bent.

 

It truly is a sad thought, but at the same time liberating!

 

 

Problems….

I’m sitting here admiring my new starbucks coffee mug.  Gramma Davis has been so sweet to me!  She sends me cards and little books.  Sometimes she sends a starbucks gift card.  I decided i was going to buy me a new mug.

 

Friday something was said to me that I just hadn’t realized.  I was telling my physical therapist that I pulled the cancer card on my husband.  Both our games are on this morning and I wanted to watch my game on the big tv.  When Dan came to pick me up, she was giving him crap about not letting me have the big tv.  He said, “She can’t pull the cancer card because she doesn’t have cancer.”  Another physical therapist walked by and said, “Good for you.  You’re in remission.  That’s great.”

 

Remission.  A noun.  Means: A diminution of the seriousness or intensity of disease or pain; a temporary recovery.

I hadn’t thought about it, but Yes.  I’m in remission.  I’m doing chemo to make sure that there are no micro cells left in my body.  In some ways it is a sigh of relief.  However, there is always a chance that this could come back.

 

Which leads me into my next thought.  Lately, I’ve been on facebook.  More than I usually am.  I do read everyone’s updates.  I don’t always reply, but I read them.  It seems like when you have cancer something changes the people around you.  Like for example, complete strangers.  I don’t wear a wig.  I just tie a hanky on my head.  I don’t care that I have a cue ball for a head.  I’m just not motivated to get a wig.  It’s a visual clue to people I have cancer.  People magically turn into nice people.  Maybe they are nice to begin with.  People open the door for you.  They smile at you.  They are just nicer than if I was an everyday person they run into.

People also assume that when you have cancer that your problem is bigger than everyone else’s problems.

Which is not true.  Cancer is cancer.  Just another thorn in this family’s side to greatness.

I think about the people close to me.  One family struggled for years to have a baby.  They were blessed with this beautiful little girl.  Now they are looking at being separated by a deployment.  Guts my to think about daddy being gone from his little girl.  Another family is struggling with the emotional side effects of PTSD.  My heart breaks for a woman who loves her husband more than anything in this world…wants him to get better…would do anything to help him get better.  Another friend of mine is dealing with chronic pain.  She has been to doctors over and over, yet none of them can really tell her where or why she has this pain.  My family back home are struggling with moving and money issues.

To me, that all sounds more intense and worse off than what I’m dealing with.  I struggle with having given up my job.  Money is a bit tight…. but really, this cancer thing… is nothing.

 

I miss my friends who are far away.  I wished i was there to visit and comfort them in some way.  i wished i was a better at encouraging them.  Sometimes I get so stuck in my own rut that I forget to stop and look around me.

Remission….

 

 

Sure! Why Not?

Well…. here we are… end of week 2 for the second go round.

Monday I was informed we’re going to start another type, actually two types, of chemo this coming monday.  So we will eb back to three weeks of chemo with a two week break.

When the doc told me about it I was thinking, sure…why not?  because on my bucket list I always wanted to sample every type of chemo out there…

 

You know what is comical?  Side effects.  Every type of chemically produced….”thing”…. I’m on has a side effect of some sort.  Docs are quick to tell you the grand list.  Sometimes I’m thinking to myself whats the point if the side effects can kill you quicker?  But…. it’s comical.  Each person reacts to them differently.  So far, the MX chemo gives me one down day that is just fatigue followed by a headache.  HOWEVER… I’ve spotted a common denominator of one other side effect.  Milk.  After yesterday I will no longer be drinking milk during treatment.  Who knew?  That wasn’t on the list.  It’s not dairy products… just milk.

 

Life has just been steadily going along.  Seems like the days are flying by at a faster rate.  Next thing you know…  tomorrow will be Thanksgiving.  I’m kind of excited that we will be visiting family for Thanksgiving.  As much as I enjoy cooking, It’ll be nice to have someone else do it this year.  Andrew’s birthday is only 23 days.  I was told this tid bit of information this morning.  It’s actually on Sunday this year – unlike the usual before or day after Thanksgiving.  I will admit I’m kind of excited to do some holiday decorating.

 

We all decided this weekend we are going to super clean everything.  Get it done before the cold weather actually hits – if it hits at all.  I’m making my children go through all their toys and clothes and bag up what they do not play with or wear.  Going to pick up and move the furniture to get the dust bunnies out.  We also need to move some things in the garage around so we can park the vehicles in it.  Not a “fun” weekend, but stuff we need to get done.