Having a FML Moment

Ever had one of those moments?

Ok we all do…

Yesterday was a crazy Tuesday.

I woke up at 8:00 thinking I completly missed Bee’s field trip.  I jumped out of bed and realized I hadn’t, but if I was going to get going I needed to do so now.  I quickly got dressed and ran out the door to fill the blazer up with gas and to grab a sack lunch.  I got to the school and parked…waiting fopr buses to show up.  In the mean time I got to have a good conversation with a close friend.

Two buses showed up and away we went.  This was going to be a great day….  Till we ended up at the Wishing Farm.  Now we did pass the exit and my gut instinct was that something was not right.  I was so certain that Bee said Cliff Dwellings.  As I watched really small people get off the bus I called the school.  Sure enough… It was kindergartners.

I was so angry.  As I was driving to get to the cave of the winds I paused in my brain to just say “Lord……yeah.”

I’m not a traditional prayer. I don’t oh Holy God blah blah.  I believe that you can talk to God just as he was sitting next to you.

At that moment I just started to laugh out loud.

I’m still laughing.

Yes, I made it up to the Cliff Dwellings.  I paid $9.25 to see a 15 minute movie.  Use the lady’s room.  Run through the gift shop in record timing. Back in the trail blazer to go to Bear Creek Park.

Ok, I was not the only one that got caught by the two buses, but the other mom turned around.

Silver lining: We were going to take the kids to the Wishing Farm to get pumpkins.  After seeing it I realized that it is gear towards young, a lot younger, kids.  Saves me money and disappointment.


So how am I doing?  It was really nerve racking as the days led up to Monday.  I guess I am afraid to make the wrong decision concerning these treatments.  Yes, I believe you should follow your heart.  But, what if I was letting personal and metal fatigue make the decision?

No one said these cancer treatments would be a cake walk.

Another part of me just does not want to get into a confrontation with doctors over how I feel.  Thankfully, my oncologist here has agreed with how I feel.  He said, “why would we fix your leg and then put you in a wheel chair?” He never got a hold of Dr. Henshaw.  She is out of town.  But, he feels that continuing the IX chemo would further cause more nerve damage.  SO, no more IX chemo.  We are going to continue the MX chemo for two weeks at a time.  I start this coming Monday.

I should not let these things work me up.  I know this.  It is mentally straining.  I hold my breath in anticipation.  It is like waiting for that call to see if you got a job or not.  I guess I am waiting to see if I need to stand up and counter their argument or not.

One thing I’m going to have to be VERY careful of is temperature   Because I have very little sensation of temperature in my fingers and toes, I could easily burn them or freeze them.  Crazy, eh?

So I am going to enjoy the rest of my week of freedom and build up courage and strength to get through the next two weeks.  The only bad side effect of the MX chemo is fatigue.  Just have to beat that fatigue.


One thought on “Having a FML Moment

  1. rugeranne says:

    I am glad you are able to laugh about! I agree with you about praying too. I think when people start adding all those names of God they are just puffing themselves up.

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